My Man Stephen Miller
This past week I spent goofing off with my daughter before she heads off to college, which meant that I largely avoided real work. But I had a little downtime to keep my writing skills sharp, and used it to push back on Stephen Miller's argument that it's other people on the other side of the political spectrum who look and act "deformed."
You can read the whole thread here if you'd like, but I'd caution you to pace yourself as it's pretty long. (No, I have no idea how many I posted. But it's in the hundreds.) Pace yourself.
It's a change of pace for CAMPAIGN TRAILS, but I thought I'd post the link here and provide a Reader's Digest sampling of a few dozen favorites:
My man looks like Mr. Potato Head in a cancer ward
My man looks like he makes the dial-up modem noise when he reaches sexual climax
My man looks like NoHo Hank read the Turner Diaries
My man looks like he believes adding milk to coffee counts as miscegenation
My man looks like the waiter asked if there were any allergies and he blurted out "the Irish"
My man looks like a naked mole rat went to Men's Wearhouse
My man looks like he operates a speakeasy that serves raw milk
My man looks like he’s written a twelve-part Substack on the myth of the female orgasm
My man looks like Elmer Fudd became a personal injury lawyer
My man looks like he works for Weyland Yutani
My man looks like a fairy tale the Dutch tell their children to make them behave
My man looks like his family made its fortune through a company called Consolidated Sweatshops
My man looks like a human they shot in The Walking Dead "just to be safe"
My man looks like a Make-a-Wish kid whose wish was "war crimes"
My man looks like he's unsuccessfully chased a paperboy
My man looks like he asked a third grade teacher how come there weren't any books about Encyclopedia White?
My man looks like a German DJ who only remixes oompah music
My man looks like he sells "artisanal roofies"
My man looks like he pushed his college to create an Afrikaner Studies major
My man looks like he tried to sing the Horst Wessel Song at karaoke
My man looks like Gargamel finally got his shit together
My man looks like he stores his salt and pepper shakers in separate but equal places
My man looks like he's selling patent medicines out of the trunk of a Buick Park Avenue
My man looks like Old Sheldon
My man looks like he hosts an HGTV show called Pimp My Bunker
My man look like Walter White's path to evil ran through the Heritage Foundation
My man looks like he claps his hands in joy at an Amber Alert
My man looks like his father is Immortan Joe
My man looks like a serial killer whose calling cards are Chick Tracts
My man looks like he goes on Yelp to give every Mexican restaurant the same one-star review: "Too Mexican."
My man looks like he does historical reenactments of the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire
My man looks like Billy Corgan introducing a rock opera called ZYKLON B
My man looks like he has a padlocked freezer
My man looks like his handlers warned you against making eye contact
My man looks like Mr. Clean snorted Mr. Clean
My man looks like he can identify blood types by taste
My man looks like he finds the premise of "Diff'rent Strokes" to be "morally reprehensible"
My man looks like Gilbert Gottfried reading a last will and testament
My man looks like Squidward delivering a Ted Talk
My man looks like Piglet explaining the Great Replacement Theory
My man looks like something your oncologist points to on the X-rays
My man looks like a bowling pin who works on Wall Street
My man looks like he's the merciful end of the Habsburg bloodline
My man looks like he created a cocktail that's equal parts vodka and formaldehyde
My man looks like he orders steaks "blood rare" while maintaining eye contact for far too long
My man looks like a proud graduate of Duke University
